As you may be aware, this week (15th – 21st of May) marks Mental Health Awareness Week 2023. The theme this year, selected by the Mental Health Foundation is “Anxiety”.
As someone who has struggled with anxiety for most of my adult life, I thought it a good opportunity to share my own personal experiences. More specifically, I wanted to share how I feel being a man has impacted my experiences of anxiety, and the perceptions of those around me.
For me, anxiety has always been an irrational response to a rational fear. It is commonly described as our natural response to threat, something that has been a biological safety mechanism since humans first evolved, but one that hasn’t yet understood our ever changing societal situations and the stresses we face, hence the “irrational” response part.
The first time I fully experienced being anxious was when I was 18 years of age on my gap year sitting my A level Biology. For weeks I felt nauseous, tired, angry, and at times like I was either going to be sick or have a heart attack, or both. I often lashed out and was irritable with family and friends which was hugely out of character, and during that period a rapidly lost weight due to having no appetite. At one point my symptoms became so extreme, my GP thought I may be a coeliac (my grandmother suffers from the disease) and that my situation was due to an extreme intolerance of gluten.
For weeks I ate a gluten free diet, with no success. My symptoms continued to be poor and I was struggling to go to work or socialise. I distinctly remember arriving at the exam centre on the day of my first exam and feeling as though I would be sick, only for the feeling to disappear almost immediately once the exam had finished. Remarkably, almost all of my symptoms disappeared, and within hours I had a ravenous appetite and was happy and socialising again.
The eight year journey since then has been one littered with panic attacks, moments of frustration, low mood and a constant process of learning my own mental boundaries, and the ways in which I need to try and care for myself. I am extremely fortunate to have friends, family and colleagues who have been endlessly supportive in helping me navigate this journey, one which I am very much still on.
One thing that sticks out for me particularly about my first experience however, was how the possibility of my poor health being anxiety driven, was so far out of the question, that not even a trained and experienced GP considered it, despite many of the symptoms fitting the diagnostic criteria. I’ve often wondered, was this because I’m a man?
So often as men, we’re told that our emotions are not something to be openly embraced, and that we must remain strong and confident at all times, so much so that many of us genuinely believe this to be the case. Whilst there have been huge shifts in trying to create more openness around embracing conversations around mens mental health, sadly there are still many pervasive stereotypes and stigmas surrounding the topic.
I’ve been told to “man up”, that I have to “get over it”, that I need to “cheer up, there are others worse off than me” or that it’s “just a phase” more times than I care to count. This continued exposure to stigmatising language led me to feel deep shame about my emotions for years, leading me to hide or mask them behind different more outgoing personas, a coping mechanism that did not prove to be healthy. To be clear, this was not the fault of any one person, but the result of growing up in a society still wary about mental health, and one that felt uncomfortable in addressing the needs of men who may be struggling.
For many, showing emotion is a sign of weakness or failure, despite the fact that all humans are emotional beings at our very core. These stereotypes are further compounded when we face health professionals and others who so often take symptoms at face value, and shy away from asking men about their wellbeing because we may not present in an open and talkative way more common with women.
Since launching MWT, I have had the privilege of hearing many stories from men of all different backgrounds. These men have had highs, lows and everything in between. They’ve experienced the absolute best of life, and the worst. Many have struggled with symptoms of common mental health problems at some point in their life. What is evident with every man that I’ve listened to so far however, is that being a man presents it’s unique challenges when navigating the different experiences life throws our way. What’s also evident for many, is that they have felt unable to openly embrace and talk about their experiences, due to the continued fear that in doing so they would be seen as lesser men.
It’s taken me a long time to accept that not only is showing my emotion a huge sign of strength and resilience to others, but also exceptionally healthy for me personally. Every individual is different, and will manage and cope with things differently. For many who have never experienced anxiety before, panic attacks and chronic symptoms can seem extreme and terrifying. For me, my anxiety is now my inbuilt barometer I use to measure the pressure I am under, and to encourage me to think about ways in which I can look after myself, whether that’s by listening to music, doing some guided breathing, or going for a walk and engaging with nature.
The truth is, for many people, men in particular, they may not have such a constructive relationship with their anxiety. It is no overstatement to say we collectively still have a very long way to go in terms of creating a world where men feel supported enough to be able to explore and share their experiences of mental health more openly should they wish to. We’re making progress, but we won’t stop until every man knows that being mentally healthy is a vital part of leading a happy and fulfilled life, and that there is support there for them should they want it. I will never really know if being a man had anything to do with my anxiety being misunderstood for so long, or if it was just a general lack of understanding about the signs and symptoms of anxiety.
Ultimately, whilst Mental Health Awareness Week creates a great opportunity to shine a light on mental health and wellbeing, we’re here to say that EVERY day is a good day to talk about mental health! We’re extremely proud at MWT to be in the fight for mens mental health, and to be creating spaces made by men, for men.
It’s been a terrifying and exhilarating process setting up and running MWT, but I couldn’t be prouder to be leading a charity which hopes to change the face of mens mental health, even if I may suffer the odd period of anxiety along the way.
Next week will see a major announcement at MWT. We can’t wait to share our news with you and to continue to work hard for mens mental health and wellbeing.
Sam Davies
Founder & Director
